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When Your Child Is Surrounded by Rich Kids And You're Not Rich

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Marie Summers' daughter goes to school with kids who take fabulous vacations and drive expensive cars. There are both upsides and downsides to being surrounded by high-fliers, Summers says.

Summers, who comes from a middle-class background, says there are trade-offs in sending her daughter to an expensive, private school with children who have more money than she does.

Most of the children are blessed with parents who are able to dedicate a lot of time and financial resources to raising them. The children have impeccable manners and know how to act appropriately at school and in other social settings, Summers said. They are also very aware of the world, says Summers, a resident of Santa Cruz, California.

The whole atmosphere sets the bar a little higher for achieving goals in life.

"The kids expect to go to college and have a good life," Summers said. "Most of these kids have many opportunities like dance and sports teams and most excel in their activities."

However, there is one big disadvantage. The kids in her daughter's school take extravagant vacations and have travel opportunities that her daughter hasn't had yet. Summers says her daughter discovered in her ninth-grade history class that she was the only one who had never been out of the country.

"We are not able to take real vacations, but these families vacation at every break," Summers said. "They take some really great family trips, like yoga retreats in Mexico."

The experience is certainly different from the public school her daughter attended for her first eight years of schooling. Now several years into private school, her sixteen-year-old daughter has gleaned some important lessons about life and money.

"She has learned that money isn't everything," Summers said. "Not every child who has money has a good family situation. Not every girl with an unlimited clothes budget is a person our daughter wants to hang out with."

Jennifer Hartman, a principal at Greenleaf Financial Group, LLC in Los Angeles, says when your family has significantly less-or more-money than other families, it can be a wonderful learning opportunity for your children.

"It's a great basis for starting off a discussion on finances," Hartman said. "Talk to your children about how 'Maybe we don't make as much money as the family next door, but maybe your dad is able to go to all of your baseball games.'"

Hartman also advises parents to explain to their children that different occupations have different compensation levels and that people make decisions about their career and finances for many different reasons.

"This is a great opportunity to show your kids why you chose your occupation and why you love what you do, even if you don't make as much money as someone else," Hartman said.

Summers, who works as a massage therapist, agrees. She says her daughter understands that people earn different compensation for different jobs and that there will always be people who are richer and people who are poorer. She tells her daughter that the world is full of opportunities to make whatever kind of life she wants.

"I have been clear from the beginning that a wealthy person is not a better person, and a wealthy person does not necessarily have a better life even though they may have certain advantages," Summers said. "The possibilities that are available to a wealthy person are also available to my child. After all, they are in the same school."

Hartman says these situations are the perfect time for parents to talk about budgeting, spending, and saving in kid-friendly terms. For example, parents can involve children in efforts to save for a new home or even for college. They can also explain to them how credit cards work and why they shouldn't charge things they cannot afford. Another strategy is to give them a choice about how the family spends money on entertainment.

"Unfortunately, a lot of parents tell their kids 'We can't afford that' without any explanation, but kids are very bright and often they can understand a lot more if you allow them to be part of the decision-making process," Hartman said.

And no matter how much money your family makes, Hartman says one message should always be taught: "You're not going to get everything you want and there are always going to be limited resources."

Christine M. Field, a mother four children and the author of numerous parenting books, says she and her husband have a no-nonsense approach when their kids complain about not having something their friends have. They live in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, where there is a mix of very wealthy and very average neighborhoods.

"Since we generally have less, our response in this situation is, 'Deal with it,'" says Field, a former attorney who has written seven books including, Coming Home to Raise Your Children, Life Skills for Kids, and A Field Guide to Home Schooling.

However, Field says having less can be an opportunity to help motivate your child to achieve more.

"Challenge them to take on the task of making a better life for themselves and their children," she advises.

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