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Love Your Life

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Most of us race through each day, fully wired and furiously multitasking, dealing with dozens of people but connecting with no one, struggling to whittle down an infinite to-do list. At the end of the day instead of a sense of accomplishment and purpose, we fall into bed exhausted and vaguely dissatisfied.

A life that is merely a collection of errands or a race to acquire more stuff isn't a happy life. We're not talking about momentary feel-good happiness, but deep, lasting contentment, which stems from balance, connection and a sense of meaning. Luckily, you don't have to invest money, brainpower or even a lot of time to feel that your life is serene and satisfying. Here are 10 ways to remember, every day, what matters most to you.

Balancing Act: Just say thank you

How it works: Being grateful may be the spiritual equivalent of Prozac. In one study people who kept a gratitude journal for a few weeks "had better self-esteem, more energy and felt more alert," says Robert Emmons, Ph.D., coeditor of The Psychology of Gratitude (Oxford University Press).

Into action: Just before you go to bed, list three things you are grateful for and spend a moment or two reflecting on them. Make it a point to say thank you to others as often as possible. When you can, send an e-mail or note of appreciation to someone you admire or love or who has done you a favor. You'll both benefit!

Balancing Act: Maintain rituals

How it works: A routine is merely something you do; a ritual has emotional significance. "Rituals are powerful because they speak to a different part of the brain than we use for thinking," says Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., author of Inner Peace for Busy People (Hay House). That's because rituals bypass words, connecting us to what matters through symbols or gestures.

Into action: Connect with family members for a few minutes when you get home from work, before starting supper. Or make your shower a cleansing ritual by imagining that you're washing away anxiety, insecurity or nagging doubts and self-criticism.

Balancing Act: Do one thing at a time

How it works: Just because you can multitask doesn't mean you have to. Constant juggling can destroy focus, blunt creativity and actually increase the time each task takes. Extreme multitasking focuses so much on the result, rather than the process, that you can end up without a strong connection to your accomplishments. Giving your full attention to a specific thing recognizes its importance, its beauty or the pleasure it brings.

Into action: Start by practicing on something simple, like having breakfast. Note each sensation from start to finish-the feel of your feet on the floor, the hiss of the egg hitting the pan, the tastes and textures as you eat and finally the sensation of fullness. Whenever you're feeling frantic, remember this moment-by-moment approach. Stop and ask yourself what one task absolutely has to be done next. Then bring your full attention to it. Once it's finished, take a slow, deep breath, decide what comes next and move on to it.

Balancing Act: Organize your surroundings

How it works: If your desk, night table, kitchen counters, etc. are in a jumble-watch out. "You can tell how well you're dealing with life by what your environment looks like," says Sunny Schlenger, author of Organizing for the Spirit (Jossey-Bass). Clutter can overwhelm your spirit, she adds, and disorganization is a source of imperceptible but constant stress.

Into action: Spend 10 minutes every day decluttering a spot where things accumulate. Forget trying to find places to store what you don't really love or need. Give it away or haul it to the curb. With less stuff around to take care of, you'll have more time to devote to what you hold dear.

Balancing Act: Have a mantra

How it works: Most people are familiar with mantras as the centerpiece of formal meditation: the focus word or phrase repeated silently in rhythm with the breath to help slow the mind, calm the body and concentrate attention. But a mantra can also be used throughout the day, in mini meditations whenever you need to feel calmer and more in control. It's a way to keep from wallowing in anxiety.

Into action: While the most famous mantra is the word Om, many people adopt a mantra from their own religious tradition (for example, "Shalom" or "Thy will be done"). But the mantra isn't necessarily about religion-you can substitute your own focus word (such as "energy" or "one") or a brief affirmation like, "I can be kind to myself." Or make up your own phrase, as you feel the need.

Balancing Act: Practice acceptance

How it works: This is not easy, but it's vital to your peace of mind. "Acceptance is often misunderstood-it's neither resignation, nor self-indulgence, nor an excuse for bad behavior," says Tara Brach, Ph.D., author of Radical Acceptance (Bantam). It's simply an honest recognition of what is happening. It doesn't mean you like something, but that you are willing to face it without reacting or blaming.

Practicing acceptance helped Brach end the heated battles she was having with her teenager over his video game habit. One day instead of getting into it with him, again, she paused to concentrate on what she was feeling. Staying with the anger and breathing deeply and rhythmically, she was able to peel back the layers of emotions: fear ("I could see him ruining his life, and it terrified me"), then sadness and then, beneath it all, love. At that moment she was able to open up and see her son's point of view. "Once I understood the big picture, I was able to draw my boundaries without yelling or making him defensive," she says. The two of them were able to connect and find a real compromise.

Into action: When you feel your jaw tense and your stomach tighten-in the middle of a disagreement with someone, for example-think of it as a message. Stay with the emotion, and you'll connect with yourself, then the other person. This is critical, says Brach. "The main sickness in life, the chief barrier to feeling your life is meaningful," she says, "is lack of relatedness."

Balancing Act: Do something for other people

How it works: Giving of yourself is key to a sense of well-being, no matter how busy you are. "Spirituality comes down to one simple word, and that is kindness," says Borysenko. Feeling useful to those in need gives us a deep feeling of connection to humanity and a powerful sense of purpose.

Into action: If your schedule is too crowded to serve meals at a shelter or soup kitchen on a weekly basis, devote one day to rounding up coats and blankets to give to the homeless, or shovel snow for an elderly neighbor. Can't think of a way to help? Log on to volunteermatch.org to find a worthy local cause.

Balancing Act: Do something for yourself

How it works: Ironically, most women find this much harder to do than being kind to others. "Getting regular downtime is key to handling stress and solving problems," says Alice Domar, Ph.D., author of Self-Nurture (Penguin). Ideally, you should devote an hour a day to yourself, but don't settle for less than 15 minutes. The bottom line is that your life can't feel significant if you're run down and burned out.

Into action: Make a nurture list-a dozen or so things that give you pleasure-so that when you finish a difficult task or have a few extra minutes, you can reward yourself without needing to think about it. If this feels too self-indulgent, get practical. Taking care of yourself will give you more energy for everyone and everything in your life.

Balancing Act: Learn to say no

How it works: Besides freeing up your schedule, saying no helps keep your life from becoming one giant to-do list. Brach points out that the Chinese character for busy also means heart-killing. "Don't let your sense of well-being get caught up in measuring how much you do," she cautions. "What matters is living fully and learning to love well."

Into action: Most women find it challenging to say no on the spot, so use what Domar calls the magic words, "Let me get back to you." That gives you time to decide thoughtfully. To help make up your mind, write down your top 10 life priorities and tuck the list into your purse or wallet. When you are asked to give time, energy or money, look at the list and ask yourself how saying yes will directly further any of your most meaningful goals. If it doesn't, then the answer is a clear no.

Balancing Act: Turn up the quiet

How it works: All the sounds of modern life create a relentless clatter that keeps you off balance so you don't know what you truly think and feel. What's more, the noise drowns out the soothing sounds of nature-a rising wind, birdsong, the rustle of trees-that give you a sense of belonging in the world.

Into action: You can't do much about the loud world, but you can control the noise pollution in your home. Spend an hour a day (or even just 10 minutes) with all appliances and gadgets turned off. "The quiet allows the mind to integrate all the aspects of our experiences," explains Tian Dayton, Ph.D., author of The Quiet Voice of Soul (Health Communications). That gives us access to our deepest self.

How Readers Center Themselves

Every day as I go to my job as a marine biologist at an aquarium, I focus on the fact that each person I educate can make a difference in the future of the world's oceans. Staying in tune with why I do what I do helps me keep going. I love my job, and that makes me love my life.

-Stefanie Schmidt, Las Vegas, Nevada

Exercise has become a priority in my life. I make a point of working out at the gym or taking a walk whenever I can, sometimes even at lunchtime. It clears my thoughts and gives me a better perspective on the day. Most of all I feel great because I took time out to take care of myself.

-Yvonne Wong, Flushing, New York

I grew up in a large family and we never had money for meals out or nice clothes. But once a year my father managed to take all eight of us to Disneyland for a day with Mickey. We've continued that annual pilgrimage, celebrating the magic of family, since the first of our three children was born.

-Eva Pepitone , San Jose, California

I take time once a month to go out with a group of girlfriends. We might spend a morning at a spa, or go out for dinner and a glass of wine. It's a chance to step away from all the chaos of kids and work and just be myself, relax, laugh and talk about stuff. Being with them, having no demands, fills me back up.

-Stephanie Hawk, McAllen, Texas

After teaching art to middle school students all day, I come home and make an art-related lesson plan for myself to keep my creative juices flowing. I love to decorate my home with my mosaics and paintings. This keeps my life and my art a work in progress.

-Ellen Hark, Maplewood, New Jersey

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