Caring for an Ailing Parent

It Takes a Family

You shouldn't need to shoulder the care of your mom or dad exclusively. If you have siblings nearby, work out a schedule that will allow you time for yourself. If you are the only family member in the area, or have no relatives to assist you, consider hiring some home health assistance in the form of an aid or volunteer who can stay with your parent while you run errands, go to work or simply squeeze in a nap. Take extended family members up on their offers to help you. They wouldn't volunteer their time if they didn't truly want to help. If your extended family hasn't offered, consider calling in a favor now and then. Many people don't offer simply because they don't want to impose. Once they've helped you once or twice and see firsthand how time consuming your caregiving can be, chances are they'll volunteer to help again and probably mention the need to other family members and friends to do the same.

Take Time for You

As is the case for any caregiver, you need to take time away from your ailing parent to recharge. That may mean a walk around the neighborhood, a workout at your gym, a shopping trip or an outing with friends. It can be easy to feel guilty when you're doing something that doesn't involve your ill parent, but if you're burned out, you'll be less effective in daily life and more stressed. Your parent will probably understand your need to have a spouse, sibling or friend sit in for you, so you can take time to clear your mind and enjoy life. You may even find you have new things to talk about and stories to share from your time away. If your parent insists on making you feel guilty, be honest about why you need some time for yourself so he understands it's about being a better caregiver to him in the long run.

Don't Underestimate the Emotional Toll

If your family member's health situation isn't going to improve, you'll likely be experiencing a roller coaster of emotion as you prepare for what comes next. In addition, you may be concerned about the comfort your loved one is in and whether he or she is in pain or is suffering. Be vocal with your parent's healthcare providers about your desire to ensure that your parent is comfortable. You are your parent’s best advocate. All the emotions you're experiencing may lead to physical symptoms for you whether it's stress, fatigue, or some other manifestation of your worry and anxiety. Consider visiting a therapist or joining a support group to find someone who can help you cope with the stress and worry you're feeling and can empathize. Millions of people have been through what you're going through, and chances are you have friends and/or family members who can relate. Reach out to them. They know what you are going through.

Financial Aspects of an Ill Parent

Caring for an ill parent may mean doing so from afar or from home as your loved one enters a nursing facility or hospital. The prospect of mounting hospital or home healthcare bills can be daunting. And you may need to miss work at various times in order to get your parent to a doctor's appointment or to be there for her during a medical test. It's important to pay attention to how this new strain in your life may impact your finances. Consult your employer's benefit plans to determine whether a leave of absence is an option, and whether it would impact your paycheck. Your employer may also offer a free employee assistance hotline where you can seek referrals for support groups, therapists and financial planners. If you haven't already discussed your parents' financial situation with them and they are in a frame of mind to do so, you'll want to get a solid understanding of what your mom or dad can afford.

Take a Deep Breath

You may feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but it is important to remember to take care of yourself. Take time to clear your mind and to find an outlet through therapy, a friend, a support group or a religious or clergy member to work through the emotional toll. You are not alone.